with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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