Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
