I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
