Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
