It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
pray to the hookup gods
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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