yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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