The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you didnt know i had herpes?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
