just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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