It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
