pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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