summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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