my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
