Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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