your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
