we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
