It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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