My room smells like vodka and shame
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
