My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize