I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
