you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
