So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
