...so i touched it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My penis needs a shock collar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
