There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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