what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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