His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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