I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
