a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
