I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
