I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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