my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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