Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Congratulations! We have a period
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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