Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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