i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
