Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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