I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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