yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
