yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
