therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
