She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
