I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
