Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
