my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize