life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
