I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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