If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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