Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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