we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
