So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
