is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
