I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
