he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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