i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
