I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
