so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
