If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
