Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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