I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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