Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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