drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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