apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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