i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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