Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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