I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize