she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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