just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
