i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
